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- Novena-Chanel Davies, The Equilibrium Coach™

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"It's time to stop existing and time to start living; living the life you love and loving the life you live"

 

Novena-Chanel Davies

Disclaimer:  Please note these articles are for information purposes only and are not a substitute for professional medical care by a qualified doctor

or other health care professional.  Always check with your doctor if you have any concerns about your condition or treatment.  Thank you.

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Forgiveness; is it for you or them?  Within Private Practice as a Counsellor, the 'giving of forgiveness', is one of the most commonly advised actions I hear clients speak of, usually directed by well meaning friends and family, who tell them to 'forgive, forget, and move on'.  However, this is usually also echoed by not so well-meaning individuals, using social constructs and values of what forms 'being a good person', to manipulate others into forgiving them; only to repeat the same actions and hurt.  This continuous betrayal and going against our own instincts, furthers the disconnection and mistrust, so many of us already face when dealing with self.

If like me, you love to write; sharing your views, experiences, observations and knowledge, why not submit an article to be published on the website?  All contributors receive full credit and have their contact details published alongside their work.  Articles are distributed on the website and through social media.

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I do not know about you, but I for one find it so off putting when I see couples, friends, and family, fall out and suddenly stop caring about each other.  Even if in that moment you feel you do not like them, must you treat them like an enemy, or a common stranger?

 

For many, the way we deal with those we love (and those we do not), is a learned behaviour, usually passed down from our families and / or home environment.  How do you deal with conflict in relationships? Learn the things to look out for in your partner and friends, to learn how they deal with conflicts...

This week I witnessed a heated discussion about 'karma', and one person's belief that it does not exist - why? because 'good things happen to bad people, and bad things happen to good people'.

 

For me (my truth, not fact), too often people mistake someone doing a kind act as them being 'kind', and someone doing wrong, as them being a 'bad' person. It's never that simple...

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I used to love memes like these; the ones that illustrate love as being someone who is obsessed with you, or someone seeing you as mystical and surreal. That for me was what love must be; one person believing the other is on a pedestal. It's what the movies show, right? One person declaring their undying love; life being unbearable without the other's presence; love being fraught with longing, pain, butterflies and breathlessness, blah, blah, blah, they get married, the end.

 

But then I grew up and realized... Balanced, healthy, relationships see two people coming together who know they are just as special, unique and worthy of being seen, held, and cherished.  It is not the belief that two broken hearts can be sewn together to make a whole, nor is it coming in with the 50/50 belief (enter as a whole, not a half), or the endless search to find ourselves through the validation of others. They are interdependent, mixed with emotional intelligence, patience, joint goals, mutual support, compromise, honesty, loyalty and truth; appreciating that each other's successes, goals, strengths, and areas of growth, work to make a better, joint future.  As a child I wanted magic, as an adult, I want love, equality, reality and work.

"You have become so damaged, that when someone wants to give you, what you deserve, you have no idea how to respond." - Unknown

 

If reading this hits close to home, please know that you deserve to be loved.

 

You deserve to be respected and protected (emotionally, psychologically, physically, and financially). You deserve to wake up with a smile, looking forward to a new day, a new start - a new day to experience more love. You deserve to have your forehead kissed slowly, your hand held tightly, and your brow swept lightly. You deserve to share your hopes, dreams, fears, and woes, with someone who makes it their business to share, repair, and experience them with you.